Hairy Situations

I have a confession my friends. It's not so shocking but here it is, other people's hair freaks me out!  Now what I'm talking about is other people's hair in my personal space, in my food and attached to things I touch.  I think you probably get my drift?!  For example, at my job our client's work orders are attached to gold envelopes with masking tape and then are sent to us in production. We do the work, pack it in the envelope and off it goes back to customer service.  Sometimes I receive one and find a hair attached to the tape that's attached to the envelope. Well, it might as well be a bug or poop because I make a serious stink face and then proceed to remove the offensive hair ridden tape with the delicacy of a surgeon so as not to touch it!  It gets immediately tossed in the trash bin! I mean I don't go putting on latex gloves or anything!  I reserve the gloves for when there are two strands of hair! Plus I don't think it looks very professional for the client to receive their photos in an envelope dressed with a piece of hairy tape!  Once in a while I'll open an envelope at work that has negatives or slides from a client and find hair.  Strange hair, mine as well have come from an alien! It jeeves me out!  Now in my arsenal at work I have a compressed air hose, I could just aim my weapon and blow the hair away to a far corner of the room but, no, the thought of said hair/s floating around my work space is too much so what I do is dab at the hair with a piece of tape and then toss it once the follicle is attached to the adhesive.  Hair in food?  I think we all freak out about finding a hair on our dish when we are out to eat! If I'm home and I know it's mine not such a big deal but it still receives a smoosh face from me.  I just go ahead, remove it so I don't have to see it anymore and keep eating. My cat's hair?  Funny to say this but I'm so use to cat hair on most things in my house plus I probably inhale half a cat while I'm sleeping anyway!  Can people get hairballs? Which brings me to public transportation and stranger's hairs. Just typing that out makes me cringe! Keep your hair off of me!  It's a given when commuting on public transportation that you are going to be touched, bumped, pushed and put in uncomfortable situations that will cause you to scream in your head!  I know this but your hair doesn't need to be on me my friends!  I feel like the invisible box that is created by my shoulders that extends from the top of my head down to my feet should not be crossed.  There have been a few times when I was seated on the train and men with those fluffy, hairy arms have sat next to me and I've had to endure the touch of it on my arm, eeeeks!  I so dislike!  I so, so dislike!  There are also those women with long hair who feel the need to run their fingers down through their strands to detangle right next to me!  I've had long hair before, I get it but do you need to groom yourself right at this minute while sandwiched in between two people?  Don't get me started on the women who put their makeup on right next to you!  That is not a hair story!  So more recently I was seated on the train and this very hip girl got on.  I noticed her right away and thought her style and her big hair was very cool.  Well don't you know it at the next stop the seat to my left freed up and the cool girl sits next to me. As soon as her tushy hit the seat and she leaned back a perimeter violation!  Her hair exceeded the space limits of the seat and entered into my invisible box!  I could see it on my shoulder hovering there!  I tried to concentrate on the book I was reading but the hair! The Hair! I was thinking this is just too intimate!  She isn't my wife, I don't want to reach over and brush the hair gently away. I had to close my eyes and try not to think about it.  I mean on occasions I get up the nerve to ask fellow riders to move their backpacks when we are standing back to back on a crowded train. I ask nicely, without attitude, because I figure I'll give them the benefit of the doubt that they don't realize their bag is poking me in my ass.  I can't even fathom how to conjure up a sentence to tell someone to remove their hair?! "Could you please remove your hair off my shoulder", "I'm sorry but your hair seems to be sitting on my shoulder", "Excuse me, I don't mean to be weird but your hair is bothering me".  I am not a confrontational person and I don't judge people's hair, I really don't.  I celebrate the differences we all have in our hairdos!  I just don't want to experience the hair in my food, attached to things I touch or in my personal space bubble.  Below is a youtube video of a poem I wrote about.....Hair!  It was performed at Art House Productions in 2010 when I was the featured poet during their monthly open mic series.